As tears flow down my face a mans best friend is gone. There are many stray dogs in Ukraine. I feed them and pet them, going from one to the next. But this little puppy and I had a special connection. Everyday she would wait for me to walk out of the tall brick apartment. I would walk out at ten in the morning everyday and she would be sitting there right by the metal door. "Lets go," I would say. She would jump onto her four legs and I would give her a hot dog. She devoured it quickly and then licked the remains off the hot pavement on which the hot dog was laying on. Her cold tongue would make the heat rise off the pavement and evaporating it into the hot summer air. She walked with me everywhere, to the beach, bizarre, bus stop, anywhere I was going she would be right by my side. When I went into stores she would be right there waiting at the door until our next adventure. People thought she was my dog, although she wasn't. My grandparents didn't allow her into our apartment because they wouldn't have time to take care of her. Although if she had lived with me then everything would have been okay and I wouldn't have this horrible memory haunting me.
It was the middle of August, a warm and sunny day. Like usual I went to the beach with the puppy. She waited patiently for me there and then we walked back together. We hopped up the tall white steps, and walked towards the town hall. We took a quick left and there we were, at my apartment building. I crouched down and pet her behind her ears. Like usual she fell onto her back while I giggled. I pet her stomach and told her I would be out in a minute. I quickly changed out of my bathing suit and told my grandparents that I was going on a walk. I walked out of the doors and she wasn't there. I was shocked. I looked right and left and then I finally found her.
Her shiny gold coat was sparkling in the sun. She was laying in the same position as I left her, on her back, yet now she was laying in the middle of the street and it wasn't me that was petting her but a tall brown haired man probably in his 40s was petting her. Inside me I felt jealously rushing through my body. I felt as if I was being replaced. A shiny silver car turned around the corner and onto the street. Selfishly, the brown haired man jumped away from the middle of the street. The puppy just started to turn her head and jump off the street but she didn't have time. My mouth was wide open. My legs running as fast as they can to get to her. My whole body shaking and tears flooding down my face. I couldn't believe it, or at least i didn't want to believe it.
When I got over to her I thought she was dead. Seeing the rise and fall of her chest I realized I was wrong. Hope right then and there came to me. I picked her up, carried her off the side and laid her down next to some bushes. I sprinted inside screaming and crying. My grandparents were so confused. They didn't know what was happening. "Pu, pu, puppy, run ov over by car" is all I could get out of my mouth. I grabbed a towel and ran back outside. I put her on the towel. She was crying. That was the saddest sound I had ever heard. No one else cared, not even one person. Her legs were holding on by their last limbs. A lady walked up behind me and asked why I was crying. Again all I could say was "Pu, pu, puppy, run ov over by car." I guess she was a dog loving person as well. She said that she would bring her to the vet and get her all cured. I counted on her. I gave the puppy one more kiss and then let her go with the kind lady. That was the last time I saw the puppy. Im hoping that the lady cured her and that she lives with the lady now.
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Paula, this is a great entry. I can easily tell your close relationship with the puppy and i can feel your sadness through your writing.Does the puppy have a name? Maybe next time you could use more description.You explained a little bit about what the dog looks like, but more description would be better.
ReplyDeleteThis was agonizing for me to read, especially since in the beginning the writing indicates that the pup is a goner. I always imagine my dog being hurt--that's all it takes for my eyes to well up--and of course I think forward to the day that I'll have to say goodbye to my little buddy. However, you put me through that agony unnecessarily, since the dog doesn't die in the end, as far as we know. You may want to consider the wisdom of misleading your reader in that fashion. They could be resentful. (I, however, was just so pleased to see the pup not squashed to death that I can forgive you.)
ReplyDeleteIt's a good sign that the dog was still alive when you arrived, and still alive as the woman was heading for the vet. I bet she made it.
We've been working on sentence combining, and here's a chance to use it in your own writing: She would jump onto her four legs and I would give her a hot dog. She devoured it quickly and then licked the remains off the hot pavement on which the hot dog was laying on. Try this construction: She jumped to her feet and I tossed a hot dog to the pavement, where she devoured it quickly, licking the remains from the concrete to ensure she got it all.
A few writing tips:
1. "Everyday" is used as an adjective to describe a noun. Example: Taking out the trash is an everyday task. "Every day" is a term we use to mean "each and every day", so it's always two words. Example: I take out the trash every day. Get it?
2. You're lacking apostrophes in several words here. They are essential, not optional. There is a big difference between "im" and "I'm", and "mans" and "man's".
3. You go to a bazaar, where you might see some bizarre people. That's a tricky one!